I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
