Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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