If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
