i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize