ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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