Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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