when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
