I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
