There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize