you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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