Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
