True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
