I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
