I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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