my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
