Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
