I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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