And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
