we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
