Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
