Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
