I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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