I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
