last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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