Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize