the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
