she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize