Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
