Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
