your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
where does the pee come out of this thing
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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