No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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