weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
