just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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