my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
