I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
