I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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