shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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