I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
