just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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