Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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