He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
