Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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