Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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