Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
