I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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