i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
