Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
