Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
