A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
