I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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