he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
