If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
