dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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