haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
