College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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