wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's blow job season.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
