Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You smell like stripper and shame
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
