pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
