what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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