This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
