I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
