im six kinds of drunk right now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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