Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
