I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
