she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
