If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
