some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
