I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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