sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
