I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
