Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
