his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
