I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
