dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
