is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
