I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You took a bar mat shot.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
