Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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