just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
