she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
