SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
