You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
