I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
