I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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