yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
