Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
