Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
