the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
