**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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