I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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