sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
