apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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