just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
