after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
