I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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