Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
