There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
