Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
