I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
